Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
