fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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