Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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