Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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