If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
