I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
