You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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