good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
