I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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