Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize