We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
