Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
