we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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