My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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