Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize