my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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