No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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