apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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