I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
