shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
