I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
