I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize