We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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