Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
