Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
