Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Randomize
