Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
