Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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