she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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