Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
