Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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