my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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