he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
