I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
