Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
The ass gains better be worth it
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