too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you didnt know i had herpes?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
