Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
