I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
