just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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