I just pynch a tree in the face
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
