The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
