life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I have so many feelings about this burrito
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
