Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
