I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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