Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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