I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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