btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
