direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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