dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
