Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
