Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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