I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
