I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
