You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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