he wants to bone in the snuggie
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
