omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
