Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
