So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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