The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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