She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
