I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
