Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
