I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
