I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
