His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
