Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
