Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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