if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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