ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
