a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
