so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
