sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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