I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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