I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
