I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize