better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
