It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
