your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
