made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
