Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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