all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
