well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
