That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
